Assos may be good kit but the look stops me buying

I saw Simon Lamb of La Gazzetta Della Bici mention Assos this afternoon and that they’re doing a “heritage” range next year.

I remembered that I’d seen Fignon wearing Assos in his Renault days, so it was no surprise one of their heritage options is the classic Renault-Elf jersey when I found some pics on Life Time Gear

Assos Heritage 2011 Renault

It’s not really “heritage” is it? It’s more a re-issue like the ones Prendas do.

And a flat lit model isn’t really selling it to me. That braced position, that ridiculous “simpleton looking into the sky” pose. It hardly says “this will make your riding a fun, exciting, enjoyable experience that you value.”

This is where Assos always lose me. Their promotional material is so achingly awful that the notion of buying their kit is about as appealing as wearing one of those blinding primary colour bumbags by NafNaf beloved of continental schoolkids visiting London.

The same can be said for large swathes of the actual product. I once saw the Assos look witheringly described as “gay Buck Rogers”.

Regardless of superfluous slurs about sexuality in relation to Buck Rogers, it’s a pretty unappealing thought.

Armwarmers, legwarmers, plain black FI Uno S5 shorts: Yes. Almost everything else: a screaming No.

Maybe I don’t get Swiss humour, but the Assos Mumu cow-print jersey is one of the most misguided cycling jerseys outside of anything by Primal Wear

Surely there must be some more wearable options in their archives than the Mercier Coop jersey?

Assos Heritage 2011 Mercier Coop

And to think, just last week I was contemplating buying some Assos shorts.

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